Pregnancy - A Series of Unexpected Lessons

So I kinda knew this whole journey through pregnancy would probably teach me a thing or two and stretch me (literally and metaphorically) in many ways. For one thing, I knew nothing about babies, even less about labor, and far less about being a mother. So, I've read books, taken classes, and pestered advice and perspective out of everyone who would listen.
I don't know if you ever feel "ready" to enter into parenthood, but I feel much more equipped than when I started this process. :) I can't wait to meet Andrew. I have a feeling it's going to blow my mind.
Those are the type of lessons I was expecting and things I knew I needed to learn, but I've been surprised at all the things I've learned that I never saw coming or at least never expected to be so big. These unexpected lessons have been my favorite, though, as they often end up being such a blessing to learn. Over the next few days, I plan to share some of these lessons with you and hope they bless you as well!

Lesson 1) It matters who you marry.

This is mainly to all my single sisters, but also a call-out to all my brothers. We all know it matters who we marry. In theory, we all know that waiting for a good spouse is worth it. However, our society has taught you that you are incomplete and your life is empty until you have a marriage. A) THIS IS NOT TRUE. I could write 17 blog posts on the fallacy of this thought, but I'll save that for another time.  :) For now, hear me tell you that your life is just as whole, just as full of opportunity, and just as capable of fulfilled joy as any married person's life. B) Even if it were true, this so-called "empty" life would be far better than a life bound to a less-than-stellar mate (because marriage is for life).

Good men are not a fairy tale. They are not a thing of the past. They are not all taken. They are out there and they are worth waiting for. Sister friend, please don't settle. Please don't.

Why? Because a happy and loving marriage is just the sweetest daily gift. I promise it's worth waiting for. I believe I have married the best man in the world and I am daily blown away by the gift of grace and sweetness God has given me through this man.
So, I wasn't surprised to find my appreciation for this daily gift shifting and growing in pregnancy, I was just surprised at the depth of which my understanding of the grace and beauty of God's gift of marriage has grown during pregnancy. It's a whole new level.
Why?
Well, for starters, when you're pregnant, you have..ahem..moments. :) Your hormones and entire body are shifting at a ridiculous pace. You live for two people while having to maintain the demands that were probably already too much for your own personal life...and you might break down a couple hundred times...hehe
This is not the time to have a disengaged husband. You need his arms, you need his ears. You don't need to be told to get over it. You need a man who's not afraid of your tears or your outbursts of frustration. *Not saying he can't have his own moments - he's human too, after all - but in general, a man who's not afraid or turned off by your moments.* You need a man that knows you, that knows how to talk to you in moments of breakdown, that knows how to help you laugh about it later (but not too soon!). You need a man that knows you.
You need a man who sends you to the chiropractor even when you think it would be easier to cancel the appointment. You need a man who wants to be at every doctor's visit, so he'll FaceTime in when he his work won't allow it. You need a man who talks to your belly, cares about the safety of the crib you're buying, and volunteers to clean the bathroom so you won't smell the fumes. You need a man who goes to birthing class with you and gives up carbs with you. You need a man who tells you how beautiful you are when your face and feet are swollen. You need a man who "can't even see" those stretch marks you're pointing out. ;) You need a man who is totally, completely bought into the process. You need a teammate.

A man that is fully committed to studying and knowing you for your entire life, to caring for and cherishing you, to finding you beautiful in your ugliest moments.
This doesn't come from your ability to be beautiful and agreeable all the time. None of us are capable of that. We're all broken. It comes from marrying a man committed to loving you and choosing your good for your whole life. THAT is a different caliber man. Wait for that.  He is worth waiting for, and sister, so are YOU.

*Side note here: I am, by no means, implying your man is utterly responsible for taking complete care of you during pregnancy or regular life. :) You're still a person. You're still responsible for you. The gift of a good mate is meant to be empowering - a partnership - not a caretaker. No man can be your Savior. No man can be your everything. To want that is unhealthy and will certainly result in massive disappointment, because *spoiler alert* the men I'm talking about are ALL human. ;) And you are just as responsible for loving him and walking with him as he is with you. So, no, he can't be everything, but he can be a delightful companion, walking hand in hand through life's transitions. A tuned-in, caring, invested spouse is the most powerful partnership I've encountered thus far - and I suspect that type of partnership only gets sweeter the more you walk together through life's adventures.

Another reason pregnancy has heightened my awareness that it matters who you marry. This is a biggie.
That man is about to be the daddy of your child.
That little precious, helpless, totally dependent human you've been carrying is about to enter the world - and he/she needs a daddy. She needs daddy's arms to cuddle her, to make her feel safe. He needs daddy's legs to chase him, his body to wrestle with him. He needs daddy's hands to clap for him, to tell him how proud daddy is of him. She needs daddy's words to tell her how precious and beautiful she is. She/he needs daddy's stability to give them the room to explore their new world. She/he needs mommy, but make no mistake, she/he needs a daddy. The man you marry or the man you have a baby with, that's his role. He's daddy.
There are not words enough to explain how grateful I am to be married to a man who I trust completely and find such delight in the thought that he will raise our son. If our Andrew turns out to be half the man his daddy is, I will dance with joy. I trust his character. I trust his prayers. I trust his attitude. I trust his willingness to give everything he has to the role of father just as he has done to his role of husband. I trust our family with my husband. Pregnancy is terrifying as I imagine taking on such a huge and wonderful role of parent. It's a whole lot easier and so much sweeter to know I've got a partner for life that I trust absolutely in the job. I can't imagine how terrifying it would be if I didn't.

It matters who you marry.

And listen carefully when I say this, friends. This post feels complicated to write - not because I don't mean every single word - but because I KNOW that none of this is anything I deserve. None of this is anything my husband deserves. We did our best to follow and honor God with our relationship, but we are nowhere near perfect. We are just as human and flawed as anyone else. Every day with this man is a reminder of God's grace. It feels more than undeserved. It feels downright scandalous that God has blessed me SO much when I have failed Him SO much. But that's the beautiful, ridiculous trade-off offered to us at the cross. Jesus paid the price, so God could pour the blessing on people who had no hope of attaining it on their own. Josh and I have something special, but we are not the cause of the special. This ridiculous gift of grace is the cause, and if these two sinners can have it, so can you.
Because it matters who you marry...not just to you, but to this God of such extravagant grace. It matters to Him. You matter to Him.

There is Sweetness in the Sad

Indulge me for a minute while I think about my big brother.

I'm supposed to be reading for class, and I have a million things to do..but I just want to chat about him for awhile...

He woud've been 27 today.

This is his last birthday - it was a good one as you can see :)

He only made it to 16, but today should've been 27.

With each passing year, his birthday gets a little less aggressively painful, but it always hurts. What I can't get out of my mind today is who he might be if he was still alive.
That Kenny Chesney song came to mind first thing this morning, and I've been pondering it since:

Who would you be?
I imagine you'd be married. I'd probably be an aunt by now - maybe 2 or 3 times. I totally would've been the best aunt! Even as a child I had dreamed of being an aunt. Aunt Amber. Has a nice ring :)
It started when Aunt Cindy sent me that surprise box of goodies for my 12th birthday. At 12 years old, I began planning what I would do for my own nieces/nephews one day.
And you would've been an excellent uncle to my children.   Uncle Russell. :) My heart floods a little just thinking that.

I think we would've been really good friends by now. We were weird,  ya know,  because we always liked each other. We were never those fighting siblings that couldn't stand to be in the same room. We were always friends.
I imagine adding some years, maturity, and memories to that would have resulted in a really sweet friendship by now.

Yes...some added maturity would certainly have strengthened the bond... ;)

Memories -  like our college graduations, first jobs, marriages (my speech at your rehearsal dinner totally would've made you cry), babies.
Memories we should've had. Memories we didn't get to have.

That's something I've learned. Death isn't a one-time loss. It's a loss of every memory you should have been a part of. That's why it never completely stops hurting. That's why time and space, while giving us room to heal, can never completely heal - because the loss transcends all the years you should've been there.

Because you died in high school, I can't help but look at your classmates and our friends. Sometimes I feel like everyone's grandmother because of how proud I am of everyone. Ha!
Our high school friends - they're grown now. We're all grown now. Some are teachers, some are farmers, some own businesses, some have moved, some are married, some are parents.  -- Some of our classmates even married each other(!) and had babies (!) and they're precious. :) It's so fun to see everyone's lives progressing.
There's a gap, though, where you should have been.

I wonder what you would've named your babies. I'm naming mine after you.
Russell Andrew Barnes, your first nephew will be named Andrew.
(side note: not pregnant)

I wonder what career path you would've chosen? Engineering? Navy Seal?
I bet engineering. I bet you'd be living somewhere like Memphis working in engineering. Maybe..

I bet you'd still go to the gym regularly, but I bet I would also be making fun of any slight tummy pudge your years had put on you. :)
I am certain I would be mercilessly reminding you that you were now only 3 years from 30. hehe

I miss you big brother. Deeply.
Usually this day brings all sorts of emotions. I usually resort to secondary emotions of anger and spend a while asking God why He took you? I usually feel a little desperate, like a caged animal, hostile and trapped.
Those, though, are all secondary emotions. I probably felt those rather than feeling the deep and penetrating sadness that mourns a loss, because I thought anger was easier than sadness.

But today, I simply miss you. I simply feel sad. And I'm surprised to find that it's kind of a sweet feeling - because I can't feel this sad without also feeling how much I love you. In that regard, my tears feel like a hug.

(I know right? We're adorable.)

In that regard, I am simultaneously mourning you and enjoying you - enjoying you much more than in years before when I all I allowed myself to feel was anger.

"You won't ever grieve if you never love. But to avoid grief means you will avoid love."

I feel the meaning of that quote so profoundly today. My grief is an overflow of love, and because that love will never diminish, the grief will always be present.
But that's okay. I can feel this sadness and this love -- and it's okay.
I think that means I'm getting stronger :)
Or really, I think it means I've finally started drawing from the right source of strength. I'm not mad at God anymore. Not once today did I offer up any sort of angry thoughts, prayers, or scorning towards Him. Instead I asked for His comfort and found rest in His love.

He loves you even more than I do, and because of Him, I can rest in your condition, your eternity. You're with Him.

So, I wonder who you'd be today if you were still on earth. I miss you and I mourn. But that's okay.
It really is. Because in the mourning, I'm wrapped in love - mine for you, God's for me, and God's for you.

Happy birthday, Russell

I love you

Dear Christian, Follow Jesus....

I've been thinking a lot lately about the overflowing, immeasurable ways God has blessed me in my last year and a half of being a student at NOBTS. While thinking of these blessings, I can't help but realize an alarming truth: I almost missed them.

I didn't want to come to New Orleans. That was NEVER in my plans. It took me long enough to surrender to God's call to go to seminary and sign up for a life in ministry. I had other plans - GOOD plans. I was going to be a physical therapist and use that position as a way to love on hurting families. I had been through several months of physical therapy and the support and love I received from my therapists blessed me tremendously. In fact, my physical therapy assistant, Kelly, was one of the first people I cried with when I found out my parents were divorcing. I wanted to do that for other people. It was a good plan.
But it wasn't God's plan.
Ah, and that makes all the difference. :)

So, I said yes to seminary, and promptly ignored New Orleans. I never even so much as looked at their catalog. I researched Southeastern, Southwestern, Southern seminaries, but not New Orleans. I imagined living in Kentucky and North Carolina, and Texas, but not New Orleans. New Orleans was scary and unsafe - and haven't you heard about the people down there - hello Mardi Gras? Bourbon St? One of the leading cities for murder a few years ago - oh, and hurricanes. Yeah. No thank you.

Josh wasn't really interested in New Orleans either. We were only dating when we first started researching seminaries, so we tried not to plan around each other just yet, but we were on the same page when it came to our lack of desire to live in New Orleans. We actually decided to stop discussing our seminary plans until and if we got engaged. We wanted to make sure we were listening to God's calling and not the preference of each other.

And something strange started happening. God started pointing me to New Orleans. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I HATED THAT! I denied it, resisted it, yelled "please NO" in my prayers! I did NOT want to go there! But the call was persistent, and God wouldn't let go.
Then came the night Josh proposed (SUPER sweet night, btw, find the story here). We started talking about the future, and he said, "I know this might be unexpected, but I really feel like God has been leading me to New Orleans for seminary." My mouth dropped open and I kinda blurted out, "Oh! Me too!"

And just like that, we were headed for New Orleans.

I still wasn't excited about it. I told people I was, but I was scared to death. The first few months of living here, if Josh left the apartment and went anywhere in the city, I spent the whole time praying for his safety - terrified he would be hurt while out in this terribly scary city. I was SO SCARED. ALL the time. It was incredibly uncomfortable.

But I started to see God's provision for us. I saw the way he always kept our bills paid - even when we couldn't find jobs at first. I saw Him provide OVER and BEYOND for our tuition needs. I saw Him anticipate medical bills and provide for them before we even knew we were sick. I saw Him bless us for no apparent reason at all. I began to understand God as my provider in ways I never knew before.

I was terribly homesick. I missed my mom and dad and friends. I still miss them :) but I've made such sweet, edifying friendships here. I've found people who speak honestly and lovingly to me. I've found a community that lives life like the church in Acts.

"Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common." Acts 4:32

This is practiced daily in my life. People give things (EXPENSIVE things like couches, beds, TVs) away - for FREE! Cars are shared, food is shared, and no one hordes their extra. It's beautiful. It's the way it was meant to be.

I also began to see people really living their lives together with Jesus always as the focal point. It was a pleasant surprise to learn that praying for each other is a common way of life here. Friends praised God with me in the victories, and carried me in prayer in the stressful times. God's love was put on display for me in such real and practical ways.

Then, God started this huge work in my life to bring about healing for wounds I didn't even know I carried. Through this process, I have come to know God as SO indescribably GOOD - really TRULY GOOD - BETTER than the worst my life has thrown at me. Knowing God this way is worth any discomfort the move here brought about.

Today, I'm writing this post after receiving yet another, God-given-for-no-special-reason-at-all blessing financially. I work full-time for the seminary now, as a recruiter. I now recruit people to come to the very place I said I would never go. How's that for God's sense of humor? ;) I just left a meeting during which our President, Dr. Kelley explained how God had provided for a budget shortfall we were facing this school year. It was a miracle and nothing less. God provided. HUGELY! And my view of God grew a little bit bigger.

I think that's my theme of this blog. Since following God's call to New Orleans, my view of God has grown and grown and grown and every time I think I can't be more amazed by Him, He blows my mind again.

So, I say to you:
Dear Christian,
Follow Jesus. Wherever He goes. Follow Him. It will be uncomfortable. At times it will be scary. You might not see how it can possibly work out, but follow Him. Getting to see God outside of your "box," getting to see Him care for you, provide for you, grow you - it's worth it all. He is worth it all.

I'd like to think I will always have this mentality, but I know me. I'm sure the next time Jesus calls me somewhere I don't want to go, I'll need a fresh reminder of this message myself - which is part of my motivation for writing this post. Dear future Amber, follow Jesus. Follow Him wherever He is calling. It's worth it. I promise. Remember how He came through. Remember the work He has done in your life. Follow Him.

I'll end this with a summary from Dr. Kelley a few months ago in chapel:

Following the Lord does not require so much courage as it does obedience. It's okay to be scared while you're being obedient. Obedience is actually synonymous with courage, because to follow obediently when you are scared looks an awful lot like courage.

Follow Jesus.
There is no better place to be than where the God of the universe is leading you.

What's GOOD about Goodbye?

I want to tell you about my brother. His name was Russell. He loved football and had a natural athletic ability that left me jealous on more than one occasion.

He loved hard work (I know that might  sound weird, but he did), loved his family, and most importantly, knew Jesus Christ as His Savior.

And on October 29, 2004, as a 16 year old, he died as a result of injuries sustained in a wreck on October 24, 2004.

9 years ago today.
9 years ago today, I did the hardest thing of my life. I stood at my brother's hospital bed, knowing the only thing keeping him "alive" was the ventilator. His brain had already stopped, his soul was already departed. But the gift of medical science allowed my family and I a few precious moments of the illusion of his presence, and we said our goodbyes. I still remember telling him he was my hero and thanking him for being the big brother that he was, for protecting me, for loving me. I remember hugging him. Specifically, I remember laying my head on his chest, hearing his heart beat and wishing with everything I had that I would feel his arms return my hug. I remember kissing him on the cheek - the top right of his cheek - above the tubes.

The rest of my family could tell you similar stories of their goodbyes. The hardest moments of our lives. I remember my parents broken words, the sound of tears in their voices, and most clearly, I remember the unnatural strength I saw in them. I remember the dilemma we all felt, when the goodbyes were all spoken, and the only thing left to do was leave. But, we had to leave without him. He wasn't coming with us.

I remember the goodbye - like it was yesterday. Sometimes that's all it feels like - yesterday.

The reality of missing someone you love that much never really goes away, but the anniversary of Russell's death has lost some of its sting over the years. The stabbing, unbearable shocks of pain are now replaced with an underlying, kinda pulsating pain - a bearable pain - a pain that still allows you to function, to smile, to be happy. But it's still pain. The deepest hurt of this human life is that at some point, it must end. The ending isn't the hard part, though, it's the carrying on for all those who didn't end that's the hardest.

But here's the thing, I'm not angry about it. I'm not devastated.
If you want to know the truth, I'm thankful more than anything.

 I wasn't at first. When someone dies, people always say to "be thankful to God for the time you had."  Well let me tell you something, when you first lose someone, the "time you had" only seems like a cruel and painful tease - like it was given to you only to be ripped away. It doesn't seem like something you're thankful for.
I hated being told to be thankful. I wasn't thankful. I was hurt. HURT BAD.

It was in these moments of hurt and anger though, that I ultimately asked the question that led to the correct answer. At first, after Russell died, I just tried not to feel anything. I suppressed it all. This doesn't work, in case you're wondering. You have to feel it. It won't just go away.
Finally, when I got sad enough and angry enough, I asked the question of God that I had been trying to ignore - the question that went against all the ways I thought I was supposed to act during this time. "What the heck is there to be thankful for to YOU anyway, God?! YOU could've stopped this. YOU could've found another way.  YOU say you're GOOD, this doesn't seem GOOD..YOU...You...."and then I mostly trailed off into the tears of heartbreak too heavy for words.

Wanna know something I've learned? This is important :
God doesn't mind this honesty. God doesn't mind these questions. In fact, He'd much rather you bring this to Him - honest and real, broken and hurt - than to smile and say "God is good" while you're secretly suffocating under the pain. Wanna know something else? Even if you don't verbalize it or ask it, God already knows you're thinking it - so what's the point of hiding?

I say that simply, but it took me years - YEARS - and a lot of  tears and a lot of counseling to realize.

So, I asked God these questions, and I found my reason to be thankful. Today, even as I cried over the loss of Russell, my heart was thanking God.
Why?
Because long before Russell lived or died, God made a way for Russell to know Him.
Long before Russell lived, God knew his life story. Long before Russell was born, God put in place a plan of salvation that would allow Russell to be rescued from death and become a child of God.

See, when God created the world, it was a GOOD thing. He created man and woman, Adam and Eve, and it was a masterpiece of a creation! Then, evil entered the world, and the devil in the form of a serpent tempted Adam and Eve to disobey God. Adam and Eve were living in the Garden of Eden and God had given them dominion over every living thing in the garden. He only forbid Adam and Eve to eat from one tree - the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, and through their disobedience, sin entered the world. This is known as the Fall - the point in time when humans no longer had direct access to God.
God is holy. He cannot be in the presence of sin. Sin is the opposite of God, so sinful humans no longer had communion with God.
The Bible tells us that everyone has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.(Romans 3:23)
 Everyone. Me. You. Russell.
The Bible also tells us that the punishment for sin is death. You see, a holy God can't NOT punish sin. If God is good, he must deal with evil. The only appropriate punishment for evil is death. The death I mean here is a spiritual death - an eternity apart from God - hell. Everyone dies a physical death, the real concern is what happens after you die -that's eternity.

But here's the good news. The GOOD news.
"For God so loved the world that He sent His only Son, Jesus, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16
God sent His son, Jesus, to live a perfect life on earth. Jesus never sinned. Not once. Not ever. But he was killed on a cross as the substitute for God's wrath over sin. All of the wrath that we would face for our sin was placed on Jesus on the cross.
"God made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that in Him we might become the righteousness of God."
-2 Corinthians 5:21
God made a way for us, while we were sinners, to be forgiven, to be His children - to be redeemed.
( Important side note: There's a lot of talk in the world right now about different religions all leading to the same place - like, who cares if you worship Buddha or Alla, they all get you to heaven. This is a dangerous and terribly wrong way of thinking. The Bible says that Jesus is THE way, THE truth, and THE life. No one comes to the Father except through Him. - John 14:6
It's a dangerous and dark lie to preach anything other than Jesus. I couldn't pretend I cared about you and tell you such a lie. I fully believe Jesus is the ONLY way to a relationship with God, the ONLY way to heaven. )
And God is a good God. A loving God. A God that made a way for you to be His forever.
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
-Romans 5:8

So, Jesus died, as the ultimate sacrifice for sin. But He didn't stay dead. Jesus defeated death and sin once for all and rose again! He is alive now and seated at the right hand of God in heaven - our living Savior!

God made a way and sent a rescue. Jesus. As John 3:16 told us, anyone that would believe on and in Jesus as His personal Lord and Savior - asking Him to be Lord of His life, acknowledging and admitting that he is a sinner and has no hope apart from Jesus, can be saved. Saved from eternal separation from God, and instead, becoming a child of God.

Russell knew this and surrendered his life to follow Jesus when he was younger. He didn't die a sinner. He died saved. He died ready for eternity.

This. THIS is why I am thankful today. Because my big brother that I said goodbye to in that hospital bed, is no longer hurt, no longer trapped in a physical body - he's free. He's with Jesus. He's. WITH. JESUS.

Wow.... :)
As part of me mourns my loss today, the other part of me praises God unceasingly for providing this hope - for making a way of redemption.
HOW could I make it without Him?
I don't think I could. Without Jesus, this story has no hope. Without Jesus, it's a tragedy. Without Jesus, there is no victory. It's only loss. Only sad.

But WITH Jesus.....well, that changes everything.

"We do not want you to be uniformed, brothers, concerning those who are asleep (physically dead), so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope. Since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, in the same way God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep through Jesus...For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the archangel's voice, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first." - 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, 16

Dear Miley,

Everyone, by now, has at least heard about what went down at the VMA's the other night with Miley Cyrus' performance.
I, like everyone else, was initially shocked and disgusted and a little angry. I think these are pretty typical reactions judging from the tweets, statuses, and blurbs that have gone up about the event. The more I've thought about it, though, there are some other things I'd like to say to Miley:

 Dear Miley,

   I wish I was your friend. I wish I could've been a true friend, being there while you were picking your costume for the VMAs and telling you, "No. You're worth more than that." I wish I could've been there for you during all the drama you've faced with your parents. I wish I could've been there to encourage you that your Hannah Montana identity would eventually fade and you could evolve into a "grown-up" artist in a classy and sophisticated way. I wish I could've been there to encourage your patience when the producers and music industry were telling you the only way out of your Disney ID was to break out so ferociously. I wish I could've been  a voice of truth for you while the world was screaming at you to sell-out.
   
     I'm sure you're having mixed feelings about the VMAs right now. Part of you probably has a "HA! hate all you want, you're still talking about me. I'm a nationally trending subject right now." victorious "bite me" attitude going on. I imagine another part of you is feeling very defensive right now - wanting to point out all the mistakes of the ones hating on you - after all, nobody's perfect, right? Buried deeper than these feelings though, I'd be willing to bet there's a part of you that feels very sad right now - very hollow and very cheap.

Why? Because you did what the world screamed for you to do and then looked around and found out that people are overcome with joy at pointing fingers at you. Many of the same people who cheered you on are now calling you disgusting. You're finding that the approval of people is a fickle thing to build your life on. One day it's there, the next it's not.
More than that, though, I believe there's a little girl heart somewhere in you that hurts deeply. There's a little Miley dreaming of being a singer - or maybe you dreamed of being a teacher or a scientist or the president - either way, I'd bet a million dollars you never dreamed you would put on a performance like the other night. There's still a little girl heart in you that wants Daddy to pick you up, snuggle you close and tell you you're the prettiest little girl in the world. There's a little girl heart that had big dreams, knew lots of love, and knew innocence. And that little girl heart has been trampled and stomped and beat up on by an unforgiving, sex-obsessed, jeering world for years.

The world screamed at you that your little girl dreams were rubbish. After so much time, a little girl can only take so much. So, she retreats, hides the innocence and dreams and trades them for a "big girl" smile and a "screw-you" attitude - a mask. Here's the problem with that little girl, though. She never quits longing for someone to love her in that same little girl innocence. Her needs never go away. They just get stifled. Her heart might "grow up" and become a little colder, but underneath the layers, it's still just as vulnerable, just as needy.

These are some pretty big assumptions I'm making. How can I be so sure? Because I'm a girl too. I went through the stage of having my innocent little girl heart exposed to the world. The world is not kind to innocence. It's scary. It hurts. Every girl that has ever transitioned from dreaming about being a princess to settling for a job waiting tables has felt the same sting. The real world can crush a vulnerable heart.
Thankfully, in my situation, I had loving parents and adults to walk me through that time - helping me navigate the hurts and the bumps - keeping my head on about where my identity comes from and how valuable I am.
Even more importantly, these adults pointed me to my heavenly Father that poured out more than enough love and grace to get me through the tough times.

I didn't escape without battle scars. Eating disorders, tears, anxiety, cutting - these were all part of my life. My little girl heart was spit on by the world too, but I had people there to hug me when I cried. I had Jesus there to give me fresh start - new mercy every morning. So, I came through it much wiser - no longer blissfully ignorant, but able to keep a large part of my innocent little girl heart in tact.
I know too many girls who didn't have this experience. Just because they're not on a stage with a foam finger doesn't mean they don't cry out for attention in equally shocking ways. There's a LOT of broken little girl hearts walking around this planet. They seek love and approval - mostly from guys - because we DESPERATELY long to be somebody's princess.
Don't believe me? Why do you think movies like Twilight are such a hit? Bella is Edward's (and Jacob's) everything. Why are love songs so popular? They sing about a girl that a guy can't live without. Check out Tumblr and Pinterest - you'll find thousands of posts from girls about being loved and understood.

Every single girl has a deep, hungry longing to be loved, noticed, approved.
The truth is, if many of us were in your shoes, Miley, we would've ended up doing the exact same thing.

The sadder truth is that the girls walking around with broken hearts will never find what they're looking for. They might find a man that loves them (Miley has Liam), but unless they find the God of the world that sent His only son, Jesus, to save and redeem them, they'll never find the true love they seek. The longing for approval and need for love we all experience was given to us by our Creator, so we would search for Him, find Him, and have that need eternally met.
The world is full of distractions though, and certainly, none of those distractions are pointing to Jesus.

There's good news, Miley. You're still worth it. You're of immeasurable value in the eyes of God. He sent His Son to die for you too. Nothing you ever do could change that. He still wants that relationship with you. He still wants to show you love you've never known before. He's got open arms.

I sincerely pray you'll find that one day. I hope you meet Jesus. I hope you find that love.
I know the odds of you ever actually reading this are pretty tiny :) but there are other "Mileys" out there with the same broken heart that just might read it. For all you other girls, I get it. I'm a girl too. I know what you're looking for, and I've found it.
It's not located in the trends, the guys, the approval, the attention, the sex, the sweetest love songs, or anything else this world points you to. It's found only in Jesus Christ, who paid the price for our sin on the cross so we might know a true love relationship with the God of this world.
I pray you find it too.

With love,
from one little girl's heart to another

There was another girl with a story like Miley's....we called her Britney.