Dear Miley,

Everyone, by now, has at least heard about what went down at the VMA's the other night with Miley Cyrus' performance.
I, like everyone else, was initially shocked and disgusted and a little angry. I think these are pretty typical reactions judging from the tweets, statuses, and blurbs that have gone up about the event. The more I've thought about it, though, there are some other things I'd like to say to Miley:

 Dear Miley,

   I wish I was your friend. I wish I could've been a true friend, being there while you were picking your costume for the VMAs and telling you, "No. You're worth more than that." I wish I could've been there for you during all the drama you've faced with your parents. I wish I could've been there to encourage you that your Hannah Montana identity would eventually fade and you could evolve into a "grown-up" artist in a classy and sophisticated way. I wish I could've been there to encourage your patience when the producers and music industry were telling you the only way out of your Disney ID was to break out so ferociously. I wish I could've been  a voice of truth for you while the world was screaming at you to sell-out.
   
     I'm sure you're having mixed feelings about the VMAs right now. Part of you probably has a "HA! hate all you want, you're still talking about me. I'm a nationally trending subject right now." victorious "bite me" attitude going on. I imagine another part of you is feeling very defensive right now - wanting to point out all the mistakes of the ones hating on you - after all, nobody's perfect, right? Buried deeper than these feelings though, I'd be willing to bet there's a part of you that feels very sad right now - very hollow and very cheap.

Why? Because you did what the world screamed for you to do and then looked around and found out that people are overcome with joy at pointing fingers at you. Many of the same people who cheered you on are now calling you disgusting. You're finding that the approval of people is a fickle thing to build your life on. One day it's there, the next it's not.
More than that, though, I believe there's a little girl heart somewhere in you that hurts deeply. There's a little Miley dreaming of being a singer - or maybe you dreamed of being a teacher or a scientist or the president - either way, I'd bet a million dollars you never dreamed you would put on a performance like the other night. There's still a little girl heart in you that wants Daddy to pick you up, snuggle you close and tell you you're the prettiest little girl in the world. There's a little girl heart that had big dreams, knew lots of love, and knew innocence. And that little girl heart has been trampled and stomped and beat up on by an unforgiving, sex-obsessed, jeering world for years.

The world screamed at you that your little girl dreams were rubbish. After so much time, a little girl can only take so much. So, she retreats, hides the innocence and dreams and trades them for a "big girl" smile and a "screw-you" attitude - a mask. Here's the problem with that little girl, though. She never quits longing for someone to love her in that same little girl innocence. Her needs never go away. They just get stifled. Her heart might "grow up" and become a little colder, but underneath the layers, it's still just as vulnerable, just as needy.

These are some pretty big assumptions I'm making. How can I be so sure? Because I'm a girl too. I went through the stage of having my innocent little girl heart exposed to the world. The world is not kind to innocence. It's scary. It hurts. Every girl that has ever transitioned from dreaming about being a princess to settling for a job waiting tables has felt the same sting. The real world can crush a vulnerable heart.
Thankfully, in my situation, I had loving parents and adults to walk me through that time - helping me navigate the hurts and the bumps - keeping my head on about where my identity comes from and how valuable I am.
Even more importantly, these adults pointed me to my heavenly Father that poured out more than enough love and grace to get me through the tough times.

I didn't escape without battle scars. Eating disorders, tears, anxiety, cutting - these were all part of my life. My little girl heart was spit on by the world too, but I had people there to hug me when I cried. I had Jesus there to give me fresh start - new mercy every morning. So, I came through it much wiser - no longer blissfully ignorant, but able to keep a large part of my innocent little girl heart in tact.
I know too many girls who didn't have this experience. Just because they're not on a stage with a foam finger doesn't mean they don't cry out for attention in equally shocking ways. There's a LOT of broken little girl hearts walking around this planet. They seek love and approval - mostly from guys - because we DESPERATELY long to be somebody's princess.
Don't believe me? Why do you think movies like Twilight are such a hit? Bella is Edward's (and Jacob's) everything. Why are love songs so popular? They sing about a girl that a guy can't live without. Check out Tumblr and Pinterest - you'll find thousands of posts from girls about being loved and understood.

Every single girl has a deep, hungry longing to be loved, noticed, approved.
The truth is, if many of us were in your shoes, Miley, we would've ended up doing the exact same thing.

The sadder truth is that the girls walking around with broken hearts will never find what they're looking for. They might find a man that loves them (Miley has Liam), but unless they find the God of the world that sent His only son, Jesus, to save and redeem them, they'll never find the true love they seek. The longing for approval and need for love we all experience was given to us by our Creator, so we would search for Him, find Him, and have that need eternally met.
The world is full of distractions though, and certainly, none of those distractions are pointing to Jesus.

There's good news, Miley. You're still worth it. You're of immeasurable value in the eyes of God. He sent His Son to die for you too. Nothing you ever do could change that. He still wants that relationship with you. He still wants to show you love you've never known before. He's got open arms.

I sincerely pray you'll find that one day. I hope you meet Jesus. I hope you find that love.
I know the odds of you ever actually reading this are pretty tiny :) but there are other "Mileys" out there with the same broken heart that just might read it. For all you other girls, I get it. I'm a girl too. I know what you're looking for, and I've found it.
It's not located in the trends, the guys, the approval, the attention, the sex, the sweetest love songs, or anything else this world points you to. It's found only in Jesus Christ, who paid the price for our sin on the cross so we might know a true love relationship with the God of this world.
I pray you find it too.

With love,
from one little girl's heart to another

There was another girl with a story like Miley's....we called her Britney.

RINGIN' in the New Year!!

Hello readers!

Have I got some "Dance Worthy" news for you!

By popular demand, It's finally here!! :) THE post!

Brace yourself, it's a long one :)

I'm sorry it has taken so long, but things have just been super crazy the past few days!

But here it is: the story of the most wonderful proposal ever:

So, I must preface the post by explaining J-dubb's Christmas present idea for me this year :

He decided to do the 12  days of Christmas - so for 12 days, I got presents couting down from 12 - 1, with the understanding that "1" was going to be my main present and the others were fun, happy presents such as.

Day 12 - a bouquet of 12 roses :)

Day 11 - two cylinder canisters of chocolate truffles - which looked like a number 11 when you stood them next to each other

Day 10 - Mandisa's "What if We Were Real" CD with 10 songs on it

Day 9 - A $9 Sonic gift card

Day 8 - 8 Hershey's kisses

Day 7 - 7 gallons of gas that he put into my car without me knowing :)
Day 6 - 6 banans because he's "bananas" about me ;)
Day 5 - instead of 5 golden rings, 5 ring-pops :)
Day 4 - 4 ounces of antibacterial Bath and Body lotion lol - he gave me two bottles with 2 ounces each in them (travel size)
Day 3 - 3 packs of gum "delivered" by a Santa Claus rubber duckie
Day 2 - 2 little stuffed catepillars in honor of a camp I love and have worked for several years known as Chrysalis
Day 1 ---- oh...just this:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Insert dozens of smiley faces and "hoorays!" and "woohoos!"

So, story time:
It was on New Year's Eve and a complete and utter surprise - which is what I always wanted :)
I spent the first part of the day with my extended family on my dad's side doing our Christmas celebration. We ate, opened presents, and then got ready to head to my grandfather's house to wait for the New Year. Jdubb and I had planned a couple of weeks earlier for him, his mom and dad - Judy and Ronnie, and brother - Craig to come down that night to see my grandfather's massive display of Christmas lights and celebrate New Year's with us.

   

 (see what I mean by "massive"?)

It was also the day I was scheduled to get my "1" Christmas gift from Jdubb.
So, I knew they were coming, and my understanding was that Jdubb would arrive first, because he was going to bring his own car, so he could spend the night ( which he did often, but ALWAYS in a separate bed than me lol - just to clarify) that night when his family went back to Cleveland.
So, after my family and I opened gifts, I called Jdubb - found out he was planning on getting there around 4:30. So, my two aunts - Cindy and Krissy, and my 13-year-old cousin - Katelin, took our time getting cute for the New Year's Eve celebration.
*I include this detail because for anyone who knows me - you know that I normally would've gone in comfy clothes - maybe even pajamas for a New Year's celebration. However, my dad and aunt had devised a scheme to make sure I was dressed up without giving away what would happen. The night before, my Aunt Cindy - who dresses cute 24/7  had "randomly" asked Aunt Krissy, Katelin, and I if we wanted to dress cute for our party so we could all take pictures with the lights. We all readily agreed :)
So, when I got done getting dressed, I noticed my Aunt Cindy with her suitcase (you think I'm kidding) full of fingernail polish at the kitchen table doing her nails. I asked her if she would do French tips on mine and she agreed quickly. ( I really made this whole thing easy for them to make me look cute with pretty fingernails and I didn't even know what was happening :P )
Just as my nails are drying, Jdubb shows up and the rest of my family leaves to head to Pap's (Pap is our nickname for my grandfather). Jdubb and I followed shortly after, and I noticed that he made the normal 10-minute drive into a 15ish minute drive, but I thought he just wanted some "just us" time before we got there.

(If you like music while you read, click play :) if not, carry on - this song seems to sum up everything I'm feeling about heading into a marriage with this man)

Anywho, we arrived at Pap's and Jdubb asked me if I wanted to take a walk. It was nearly dark at this time, so we strolled through the side yard of Christmas lights and made our way to the back. When I saw the backyard,  I noticed a lot of white paper laterns hanging that hadn't been there before. I thought that Pap had jsut been really creative and thought of a new decoration.

*Pause for background info: If you haven't seen the movie Tangled, there is a scene with a lot of floating lanterns that I have always thought was absolutely gorgeous*
so when I exclaimed about how pretty they were - Jdubb responded with, "yeah, looks kinda like Tangled, huh?" His answer caught me by surprise and I began to wonder if he had set them up as part of my final Christmas present. He then led me over to a tree near the edge of the lake. I didn't notice it at the time, but there were silver swans hanging from the tree and we stood under them for awhile.
*Pause again for background info - My brother, Russell died 7 years ago. While he was alive, he always had this funny thing he would do that we called "swan attacks" in which he would act completely silly while proclaiming to us how "pretty" he was "like a swan." It was completely silly and hard to describe if you didn't know him  - but hilarious and some of our favorite memories of him. So, since his death, the swan has sorta become a symbol we associate with him and even had one engraved on his headstone. So, the swans were Jdubb's way of honoring Russell :)

                                                                     :) :)
While we stood under the swans, Jdubb began telling me about how a conversation we had a few days earlier about what God teaching me the freedom of trusting Him and being able to be confidant about the future because He is always faithful - despite our circumstances - to be good and loving and care for us. (see my previous blog-post for more information on what He taught me about that). Jdubb told me that our conversation had reminded him of a verse from Proverbs 31 (verse 25) that says

"strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the days to come"

and that he was thankful to have the opportunity to be able to laugh at the days to come with me. Then he just reaffirmed that we could indeed laugh at the future even though we didn't know what would happen.

Afterwards, he lead me over to the pier and told me to close my eyes. He took me a little ways out onto it, and then with our backs to the house and the backyard, he let me open my eyes. He took out his Bible and began reading to me from Phillipians. The verses he read were about Paul telling the church how thankful he was for their partnership in the gospel and that he thanked God for them every time he thought of them. Paul also encourages them to keep following Christ and exorts them to trust Him.
*These verses were the same verses that Jdubb wrote to me in the very first note he ever wrote me
After reading this to me, Jdubb told me how thankful he was for me and my encouragement and partnership in the gospel, and the opportunity to pursue me. He told me how blessed he considered himself to be to get the chance to puruse my  heart and seek my affection, and also how thankful he was for how we could sharpen each other and encourage each other in seeking Christ.
(All this time I thought it was just part of his present to me - I never guessed a proposal was coming!)
However, I figured it out when he said, "So, I wanted to tell you all of this, and I also wanted to tell you that...I love you..
*I knew he was going to propose when he said this, because a long time ago we agreed that we would not tell each other we loved each other until we were engaged. We wanted to guard our hearts and emotions, and not give away any of our heart or devotion to each other that would be intended for our future spouses. So, by not saying "I love you" we were just trying to protect ourselves from giving away too much affection or devotion prematurely*
So, he said, "I love you....and this is why..."
Then he turned me around and I saw that on each board of the pier he had written something about me that he loved. He walked backwards and led me down the pier and as I stepped on each board, he read it to me.

When we got to the end of the pier, he said, "so...I have a question for you..." he got down on one knee (between two glass swans that were perched there) and pulled another swan from a hole he had dug that had my ring around its neck.
Then, he said the words every girl waits to hear... " will you mary me? 

I was sobbing by this point and tearfully said, "of course! yes!"

He stood up and we hugged and kissed and cried and laughed.....

then he paused after a moment and let out a loud "WOO!". ( I had figured out by now that my family was in on this, so I thought that was their signal to come outside) but suddenly from the neighbor's yard, fireworks started erupting all over the place and cheering was coming from everywhere!

My family ran onto the back porch and cheered and a bundle of our best friends (most of which drove almost 3 hours just to be there) came running from the neighbor's yard cheering and laughing and crying.

Then our secret photographer emerged - Angela Waller - and took lots of pictures of our group and pointed out to us that she had even rigged a video camera to capture the proposal! :)

*cue applause!*

I found out that Jdubb had gone to both of my parents and asked their permission beforehand, and had my family helping him set everything up for over a week :D

And the reason I didn't notice all of our friends and his family's cars at the house was because they had all parked them down the road and carpooled with my uncle - sneaky sneaky :)
It was THE most wonderful proposal I could EVER imagine and the absolute best night of my life.

I am SOOOO blessed to be marrying this man. The whole thing is the clearest picture to me of God's faithfulness and delight and GRACE in giving good gifts to His children. Ever since I was 16, I have given the pen of my love story to Jesus and asked Him to write it for me - because He not only knows best, but He knows ME best. I trust His judgement and plans for me more than my own, because I never know WHAT I want.

I asked Him to hold and protect my heart and not to let me give it to anyone other than my husband. He was faithful to do so - He has shut so many doors and told me no about several potential guys I was interested in.
It was SO frustrating at times, but He taught me how to guard my heart and preserve it along the way - and then He introduced me to Jdubb. I told Jdubb from the very beginning that he was "not what I expected but exactly what I needed" and only God would have known that.

Jdubb is the most wonderful, BEST match for me - I know that I could not ask for a better man for me. God protected me from what I THOUGHT was right, and guided me to what really was.

Ladies, if you're feeling discouraged and wondering if there are any true princes still out there - TRUST ME, I HAVE SEEN IT - give your love story to the Auther of Romance and just watch what He can do :) He'll blow your mind and show you that His dreams for you far surpass your own dreams for yourself. No, we don't deserve it - none of us do. That's what makes His grace so amazing :)

IT IS WORTH WAITING FOR - YOU are worth waiting for too :) and you deserve to be fought for by a man who knows the value of your heart.
Truth.
Men, there are women out there waiting for their princes. Man up and fight for them. You have what it takes - you were made to be a warrior in the image of a warrior-God. :) Give your love story to God and watch Him turn you into a warrior prince and provide you with the helpmate of a lifetime :)

THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of you who were a part of this and who are a part of our lives. I'm THRILLED to start this new journey with Jdubb and see what God has in store for us.

I love you all!!! :D

 I am DEFINITELY dancing right now :D

p.s. we have set our wedding date - so everyone, save July 28, 2012 !

:D :D :D :D

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