Pregnancy - A Series of Unexpected Lessons

So I kinda knew this whole journey through pregnancy would probably teach me a thing or two and stretch me (literally and metaphorically) in many ways. For one thing, I knew nothing about babies, even less about labor, and far less about being a mother. So, I've read books, taken classes, and pestered advice and perspective out of everyone who would listen.
I don't know if you ever feel "ready" to enter into parenthood, but I feel much more equipped than when I started this process. :) I can't wait to meet Andrew. I have a feeling it's going to blow my mind.
Those are the type of lessons I was expecting and things I knew I needed to learn, but I've been surprised at all the things I've learned that I never saw coming or at least never expected to be so big. These unexpected lessons have been my favorite, though, as they often end up being such a blessing to learn. Over the next few days, I plan to share some of these lessons with you and hope they bless you as well!

Lesson 1) It matters who you marry.

This is mainly to all my single sisters, but also a call-out to all my brothers. We all know it matters who we marry. In theory, we all know that waiting for a good spouse is worth it. However, our society has taught you that you are incomplete and your life is empty until you have a marriage. A) THIS IS NOT TRUE. I could write 17 blog posts on the fallacy of this thought, but I'll save that for another time.  :) For now, hear me tell you that your life is just as whole, just as full of opportunity, and just as capable of fulfilled joy as any married person's life. B) Even if it were true, this so-called "empty" life would be far better than a life bound to a less-than-stellar mate (because marriage is for life).

Good men are not a fairy tale. They are not a thing of the past. They are not all taken. They are out there and they are worth waiting for. Sister friend, please don't settle. Please don't.

Why? Because a happy and loving marriage is just the sweetest daily gift. I promise it's worth waiting for. I believe I have married the best man in the world and I am daily blown away by the gift of grace and sweetness God has given me through this man.
So, I wasn't surprised to find my appreciation for this daily gift shifting and growing in pregnancy, I was just surprised at the depth of which my understanding of the grace and beauty of God's gift of marriage has grown during pregnancy. It's a whole new level.
Why?
Well, for starters, when you're pregnant, you have..ahem..moments. :) Your hormones and entire body are shifting at a ridiculous pace. You live for two people while having to maintain the demands that were probably already too much for your own personal life...and you might break down a couple hundred times...hehe
This is not the time to have a disengaged husband. You need his arms, you need his ears. You don't need to be told to get over it. You need a man who's not afraid of your tears or your outbursts of frustration. *Not saying he can't have his own moments - he's human too, after all - but in general, a man who's not afraid or turned off by your moments.* You need a man that knows you, that knows how to talk to you in moments of breakdown, that knows how to help you laugh about it later (but not too soon!). You need a man that knows you.
You need a man who sends you to the chiropractor even when you think it would be easier to cancel the appointment. You need a man who wants to be at every doctor's visit, so he'll FaceTime in when he his work won't allow it. You need a man who talks to your belly, cares about the safety of the crib you're buying, and volunteers to clean the bathroom so you won't smell the fumes. You need a man who goes to birthing class with you and gives up carbs with you. You need a man who tells you how beautiful you are when your face and feet are swollen. You need a man who "can't even see" those stretch marks you're pointing out. ;) You need a man who is totally, completely bought into the process. You need a teammate.

A man that is fully committed to studying and knowing you for your entire life, to caring for and cherishing you, to finding you beautiful in your ugliest moments.
This doesn't come from your ability to be beautiful and agreeable all the time. None of us are capable of that. We're all broken. It comes from marrying a man committed to loving you and choosing your good for your whole life. THAT is a different caliber man. Wait for that.  He is worth waiting for, and sister, so are YOU.

*Side note here: I am, by no means, implying your man is utterly responsible for taking complete care of you during pregnancy or regular life. :) You're still a person. You're still responsible for you. The gift of a good mate is meant to be empowering - a partnership - not a caretaker. No man can be your Savior. No man can be your everything. To want that is unhealthy and will certainly result in massive disappointment, because *spoiler alert* the men I'm talking about are ALL human. ;) And you are just as responsible for loving him and walking with him as he is with you. So, no, he can't be everything, but he can be a delightful companion, walking hand in hand through life's transitions. A tuned-in, caring, invested spouse is the most powerful partnership I've encountered thus far - and I suspect that type of partnership only gets sweeter the more you walk together through life's adventures.

Another reason pregnancy has heightened my awareness that it matters who you marry. This is a biggie.
That man is about to be the daddy of your child.
That little precious, helpless, totally dependent human you've been carrying is about to enter the world - and he/she needs a daddy. She needs daddy's arms to cuddle her, to make her feel safe. He needs daddy's legs to chase him, his body to wrestle with him. He needs daddy's hands to clap for him, to tell him how proud daddy is of him. She needs daddy's words to tell her how precious and beautiful she is. She/he needs daddy's stability to give them the room to explore their new world. She/he needs mommy, but make no mistake, she/he needs a daddy. The man you marry or the man you have a baby with, that's his role. He's daddy.
There are not words enough to explain how grateful I am to be married to a man who I trust completely and find such delight in the thought that he will raise our son. If our Andrew turns out to be half the man his daddy is, I will dance with joy. I trust his character. I trust his prayers. I trust his attitude. I trust his willingness to give everything he has to the role of father just as he has done to his role of husband. I trust our family with my husband. Pregnancy is terrifying as I imagine taking on such a huge and wonderful role of parent. It's a whole lot easier and so much sweeter to know I've got a partner for life that I trust absolutely in the job. I can't imagine how terrifying it would be if I didn't.

It matters who you marry.

And listen carefully when I say this, friends. This post feels complicated to write - not because I don't mean every single word - but because I KNOW that none of this is anything I deserve. None of this is anything my husband deserves. We did our best to follow and honor God with our relationship, but we are nowhere near perfect. We are just as human and flawed as anyone else. Every day with this man is a reminder of God's grace. It feels more than undeserved. It feels downright scandalous that God has blessed me SO much when I have failed Him SO much. But that's the beautiful, ridiculous trade-off offered to us at the cross. Jesus paid the price, so God could pour the blessing on people who had no hope of attaining it on their own. Josh and I have something special, but we are not the cause of the special. This ridiculous gift of grace is the cause, and if these two sinners can have it, so can you.
Because it matters who you marry...not just to you, but to this God of such extravagant grace. It matters to Him. You matter to Him.

When Good Isn't Good Enough

I think I have the tendency to write about God like I've got it all figured out. In reality, I'm still learning...and I have a LOT left to learn. I don't want to write from the standpoint of one who has it figured out.
I'd rather be honest.
In fact, one thing I learned this week is WHY  I might have this tendency to write this way:

My pastor's wife, Terri, posted this article, 1 Thing Your Daughter Doesn't Need You to Say, on Facebook a few weeks ago and while reading it I felt like I was gulping huge thirsty gulps from water I never knew I needed.

Take a minute and read that article.....I'll wait :)

Back? Good...so how about this part of the article:

 "And when she hears adults tell her to be an example, she thinks that means she can never mess up, can never have problems, can never just be a teenager with struggles like everyone else.

She might then mature into a woman who believes being a Christian means having it all together, saying all the “right” things, staying a few steps above everyone else.

She may become a person people look up to, but she will never be someone they can relate to.

She may be successful at managing her behavior, but she will always struggle to manage people’s opinions.

She may have a great reputation, but her character will be clouded with bitterness and anger.

She may be a good church-goer, but she will not know how to be a good friend.

This may keep her out of trouble, but it will suffocate her soul.

.....She already is a light in a dark place, but here is the part most of us forget when we’re telling our teenagers to be an example:

Her light comes from Jesus, not from her awesome behavior."

I believe I was just handed a mirror and saw my reflection more clearly than ever before.

I can't remember my parents actually ever telling me anything other than to be myself and that I was loved just as I was.

So, I don't know who spoke the message, but I definitely heard it. Be good. Be consistent. Smile. Christians should be happy. Don't struggle. Don't doubt. If you doubt, what's that going to look like to non-believers. SHOW CHRIST. They are all watching you.

Yeeesh. What's a Jesus-loving-"good-girl" to do? Well, she smiles and volunteers a lot, she doesn't complain about her life, she makes straight "A's", joins lots of clubs, becomes an officer in those clubs, plays sports, stays busy, leads numerous Bible studies, attends every Bible study offered, every youth retreat, college retreat, and leads in every D-NOW. She has a lot of fun, in all honesty, but all that fun is constantly accompanied by all the pressure.

Then...she burns out.

Somewhere I became convinced that if I struggled that same way as everyone else, then how on earth would people know that I was different because of Jesus? I thought being "set apart" (2 Corinthians 6:17) meant that I had to showcase nothing but the joy of the Lord at all times - after all, I didn't want God to appear over-hyped. I wanted to be the light in the dark places. 

I don't think I understood that the light was not a result of my behavior - but of God, Himself.

2 Corinthians 12:9 started to make more sense to me: "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

I believed God's grace was sufficient for me, but I don't think I had truly grasped what that meant. I thought sufficient grace meant something like, "God is good enough and big enough that even during the worst times of my life, I should still be able to showcase His goodness through my joy and victorious outlook." I think I'm realizing though, that the sufficiency of God's grace means that even in my worst, darkest, ugliest moments, HIS grace and goodness is big enough to cover what I lack. He is good enough and big enough to showcase His glory and goodness, to overcome me and my situation and show He is good and He is God - and because HE is sufficient to do so, the responsibility of His glory being on display is not dependent upon my ability to keep smiling.

The reality is that God is enough to handle our biggest weaknesses. In his book, Dug Down Deep, Joshua Harris puts it this way:

"God is utterly different from me, and that is utterly wonderful. The fact that He's NOT like us is the reason we can run to Him for rescue."

Isaiah 55:8-9 says,
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts your thoughts."

God is not like us. He is strong. He's unchanging. His love is steadfast. (Psalm 136:1) He is full of mercy and He does what we would never do. He dies for His enemies. (Romans 5:8)"

When I'm not strong, He is. When I'm inconsistent, He's faithful. When I'm unlovable, He's loving. When I'm guilty, He's merciful. When I fall short, He is sufficient.

He is sufficient for me, because I could never be sufficient for Him. He is far too holy for my measly attempts at "being good" to count for anything. It is only His grace and the saving work of Christ on the cross that declare me sufficient.

I love this reality. I love it so much!

I must be honest, though, I'm still learning this. I'm having to remember this every single day. My tendency is to lean so much more on my ability to be good than on God's ability to be God, but I've tasted this reality and I just want more of it.

I want to see and know and understand so much deeper His role of Savior, Redeemer, and GOD in my life - enough of my attempts to be "good enough", I'm ready to celebrate HIS goodness and the sufficiency of HIM.

Ahhh...that sounds like a dance waiting to happen :)

via

So, reader friends, don't read this post as one written by an expert - read it as one just learning - My light comes from Jesus, not from me writing or living like I know it all.

"I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, 13 though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, 14 and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. 16 But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. 17 To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen."

1 Timothy 1:12-17

Beignet...Done That.

Whew! It's been awhile since I've posted on here, but let's just say life hasn't been handing out a lot of free time these days and what little free time it does lend, I spend sleeping. Having a wedding to plan, a senior capstone project to coordinate, on campus activities, and senior year of college all at the same time can be a bit overwhelming. This past week was one of those weeks where I didn't dance, I barely even walked straight. My shoulders were slumping as much as the cornners of my mouth with feelings of defeat, inadequacy, and my all-time unfavorite - imperfection.

It's such an obvious concept - we're imperfect - all of us - and we'll never be perfect. But, I think I can speak for millions of people by saying that even though I know that, I still subconsciously beat myself up for falling short. So, when life gets bigger than I can handle and I don't respond to everything with grace and love and smiles, don't look at every situation as an opportunity to show Christ's love, don't seek to serve others in all that I do, then I feel like I've messed up. I feel like a failure. This past week was one of those weeks, but thankfully, I have a great big wonderful Jesus friend that loves to take a weary heart and give it not only rest, but joy. :)

I LOVE it when Jesus seemingly comes out of nowhere and takes my messed up views, hurt feeilngs, and burdens and reminds me that He was there all along, He knew about it, and He cared about it - even though I didn't always remember to go to Him with it. This weekend was one of those times.

On Friday, Jdubb and I went with 4 of our friends and Jdubb's pastor to go check out New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.

 We had to leave at 3:30 AM ( A.M.!!!!!) , so most of us didn't even go to sleep except for the entire way there and back. Despite our lack of sleep, we were all in good spirits and excited to be going. It was an absolutely WONDERFUL trip.

 We were able to tour the campus, meet several people - including one of the counseling professors (which is what I'm going to study), some prospective employers, and visit the residence halls and... married housing!! :) We also got to tour downtown New Orleans a little - which is a very ummm... odd...but very interesting scene, and I got to try my very first New Orleans beignet.

Which is where my title came from "beinget...done that." Get it? like, "Been there, done that." :) punny.

It was so exciting to see a preview of what our life could look like next year and get some answers to our questions.
Our trip was full of laughter, confirmation of the calling and direction God seems to be leading Jdubb and I in, and rest from the toil of the week. I felt very peaceful and watched over by my Daddy in heaven while we were there, which was good, because at the same time I was very aware of the stretching and growing God had in store for me there. This Delta girl was being taken out of her Delta bubble and it was an uncomfortable, yet wonderful experience.
We got home Friday night around 9:00 and played dominoes until about midnight. We all slept until lunch time the next day, giving us about 12 hours of beautiful, holy sleep. Lol seriously, I believe there are times when Jesus annoints sleep in order to revive a weary soul. I think this was one of those times - I woke up feeling SO refreshed. Then I got to spend my Saturday cleaning a little, wedding planning a little, spending sweet, un-pressured time with Jdubb, and most importantly, getting some good quality time with Jesus.
My Jesus time started with reading one of the two books I purchased while on our New Orleans trip called Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman.

 and I am SOOOOOO loving it. I read the first chapter yesterday and journaled 3 pages about it. God used it to reach in deep and pull out some ugly, painful wounds that I'd been repressing. He showed me these and then showed them to me for what they truy were - not scary, overwhelming, horrible disease that would rule and take over my life as I'd been fearing - but simply wounds that He was capable of healing; and He started to, right then and there.
I feel like I could write for days about what God did in my life this weekend and the restoration He gave, but I'll save some of it for later :) and I'll end by giving public thanks and praise to Him for His merciful hands of grace that reach in and rescue His weary children.
Stay tuned over the next week for more information on that and the wonderful freedom I've already found and pray to continue finding through Christ's counsel to me through this book and this weekend and His never-ending love and grace. In the meantime, check out Emily's blog at www.ChattingAtTheSky.com to find what she calls a community of "grace dwellers." Now who doesn't want to be a part of that? :)

Who knew Jesus could use a trip to such an infamous city as New Orleans to bring my dancing feet back? Learning that His ways are not my own, learning I really can trust Him, learning that He really does care-even more than I do, learning that He IS good - all the time, and in the process, learning to dance... :)

And So We Begin...

Wow, so here it is: the official first blog post....3...months...later....
I've had this blog just sitting and waiting for a post since November. So, first things first, I must give a very large thank you and acknowledgement to  Brea from Utterly Chaotic Designs!

Brea designed this entire blog with absolutely no helpful directions from me - and look what a wonderful job she did! Seriously, do not underestimate this girl. I was probably one of the most difficult customers EVER, because I am a baby blogger and had zero idea of how to describe what I wanted. I didn't even know what half of the buttons or titles or sidebars that she created for me were. She was extremely patient in explaining the uses of them and in working with me to create a look I would (and do!) love. Also, she had to do all of that while I was unable to access a computer and give her frequent feedback. So, THANK YOU, BREA!!! I LOVE IT!!

*cue applause*
I wish I had gotten around to posting on here sooner, but school and the lack of a computer and procrastination have made that difficult. But now it is that blessed season of life known as CHRISTMAS   BREAK.
AKA the time to catch up on sleep, family, books you actually want to read, and breathing...(I hear that last one is quite important)  :)
Like I said, I'm extremely new at this, so bear with me as I learn how to make posts prettier with pictures and liveliness I googled the "grab me" buttons and strike-through text. But for this initial post, I want to just share with you all what I want this blog to be about.
The title "Learning to Dance" is about this fabulous journey that God has started leading me through in learning to actually live in the grace and joy He offers - really, learning to live as if there really is a God. So many of us proclaim Him and even build our lives around the idea of Him, but we're walking around with the burdens and weights of this world as heavy on our shoulders as those who don't acknowledge Him at all.
I started wondering where the peace and hope and faith and JOY was that was supposed to be a trademark of the Spirit we receive when we follow Christ. I mean, I know some non-believers who seem to be much happier than a lot of believers I know.
So, I finally brought this question to Jesus one day, and He started a wonderful process of showing me what it means to really know Him and how that brings the freedom and joy to dance through life, rather than trudge through it with our shoulders slumped and a hopeless outlook.
Is anyone else tired of being tired??
If so, then please join me in this journey of learning to dance. He has already shown me so much, but I am completely certain that I have a LOT to learn. I would love to have fellow followers learning with me and offering your own insights or wisdom that you have learned along the way.
So, meet me back here tomorrow?
Until then, check out my friend Amber, who was my inspiration to begin blogging:


and who is a  MUCH better writer than me and one of my best friends on the planet,
and then hop on over to http://jessica-calvery.blogspot.com/ to find my other best friend's lovely blog that always has worthwhile reading material :)

Merry Christmas!!!