Dear Miley,

Everyone, by now, has at least heard about what went down at the VMA's the other night with Miley Cyrus' performance.
I, like everyone else, was initially shocked and disgusted and a little angry. I think these are pretty typical reactions judging from the tweets, statuses, and blurbs that have gone up about the event. The more I've thought about it, though, there are some other things I'd like to say to Miley:

 Dear Miley,

   I wish I was your friend. I wish I could've been a true friend, being there while you were picking your costume for the VMAs and telling you, "No. You're worth more than that." I wish I could've been there for you during all the drama you've faced with your parents. I wish I could've been there to encourage you that your Hannah Montana identity would eventually fade and you could evolve into a "grown-up" artist in a classy and sophisticated way. I wish I could've been there to encourage your patience when the producers and music industry were telling you the only way out of your Disney ID was to break out so ferociously. I wish I could've been  a voice of truth for you while the world was screaming at you to sell-out.
   
     I'm sure you're having mixed feelings about the VMAs right now. Part of you probably has a "HA! hate all you want, you're still talking about me. I'm a nationally trending subject right now." victorious "bite me" attitude going on. I imagine another part of you is feeling very defensive right now - wanting to point out all the mistakes of the ones hating on you - after all, nobody's perfect, right? Buried deeper than these feelings though, I'd be willing to bet there's a part of you that feels very sad right now - very hollow and very cheap.

Why? Because you did what the world screamed for you to do and then looked around and found out that people are overcome with joy at pointing fingers at you. Many of the same people who cheered you on are now calling you disgusting. You're finding that the approval of people is a fickle thing to build your life on. One day it's there, the next it's not.
More than that, though, I believe there's a little girl heart somewhere in you that hurts deeply. There's a little Miley dreaming of being a singer - or maybe you dreamed of being a teacher or a scientist or the president - either way, I'd bet a million dollars you never dreamed you would put on a performance like the other night. There's still a little girl heart in you that wants Daddy to pick you up, snuggle you close and tell you you're the prettiest little girl in the world. There's a little girl heart that had big dreams, knew lots of love, and knew innocence. And that little girl heart has been trampled and stomped and beat up on by an unforgiving, sex-obsessed, jeering world for years.

The world screamed at you that your little girl dreams were rubbish. After so much time, a little girl can only take so much. So, she retreats, hides the innocence and dreams and trades them for a "big girl" smile and a "screw-you" attitude - a mask. Here's the problem with that little girl, though. She never quits longing for someone to love her in that same little girl innocence. Her needs never go away. They just get stifled. Her heart might "grow up" and become a little colder, but underneath the layers, it's still just as vulnerable, just as needy.

These are some pretty big assumptions I'm making. How can I be so sure? Because I'm a girl too. I went through the stage of having my innocent little girl heart exposed to the world. The world is not kind to innocence. It's scary. It hurts. Every girl that has ever transitioned from dreaming about being a princess to settling for a job waiting tables has felt the same sting. The real world can crush a vulnerable heart.
Thankfully, in my situation, I had loving parents and adults to walk me through that time - helping me navigate the hurts and the bumps - keeping my head on about where my identity comes from and how valuable I am.
Even more importantly, these adults pointed me to my heavenly Father that poured out more than enough love and grace to get me through the tough times.

I didn't escape without battle scars. Eating disorders, tears, anxiety, cutting - these were all part of my life. My little girl heart was spit on by the world too, but I had people there to hug me when I cried. I had Jesus there to give me fresh start - new mercy every morning. So, I came through it much wiser - no longer blissfully ignorant, but able to keep a large part of my innocent little girl heart in tact.
I know too many girls who didn't have this experience. Just because they're not on a stage with a foam finger doesn't mean they don't cry out for attention in equally shocking ways. There's a LOT of broken little girl hearts walking around this planet. They seek love and approval - mostly from guys - because we DESPERATELY long to be somebody's princess.
Don't believe me? Why do you think movies like Twilight are such a hit? Bella is Edward's (and Jacob's) everything. Why are love songs so popular? They sing about a girl that a guy can't live without. Check out Tumblr and Pinterest - you'll find thousands of posts from girls about being loved and understood.

Every single girl has a deep, hungry longing to be loved, noticed, approved.
The truth is, if many of us were in your shoes, Miley, we would've ended up doing the exact same thing.

The sadder truth is that the girls walking around with broken hearts will never find what they're looking for. They might find a man that loves them (Miley has Liam), but unless they find the God of the world that sent His only son, Jesus, to save and redeem them, they'll never find the true love they seek. The longing for approval and need for love we all experience was given to us by our Creator, so we would search for Him, find Him, and have that need eternally met.
The world is full of distractions though, and certainly, none of those distractions are pointing to Jesus.

There's good news, Miley. You're still worth it. You're of immeasurable value in the eyes of God. He sent His Son to die for you too. Nothing you ever do could change that. He still wants that relationship with you. He still wants to show you love you've never known before. He's got open arms.

I sincerely pray you'll find that one day. I hope you meet Jesus. I hope you find that love.
I know the odds of you ever actually reading this are pretty tiny :) but there are other "Mileys" out there with the same broken heart that just might read it. For all you other girls, I get it. I'm a girl too. I know what you're looking for, and I've found it.
It's not located in the trends, the guys, the approval, the attention, the sex, the sweetest love songs, or anything else this world points you to. It's found only in Jesus Christ, who paid the price for our sin on the cross so we might know a true love relationship with the God of this world.
I pray you find it too.

With love,
from one little girl's heart to another

There was another girl with a story like Miley's....we called her Britney.

"Oy With the Poodles Already!"

 Well, it's that time again. Back to school again. :)

aren't these cute? :) Wish I was this talented...

Back to school days are always a little exciting. As much as I hate homework and late night studying, I love the excitement that fills campus when everyone returns from the summer. Also, as much as I might complain about it, I love learning. I don't necessarily love assignments and tests, but I love learning new things - especially, being at seminary, learning new things about my Savior! 

This year, though, I'm starting school with a little extra anxiety, because for the first time ever I will attempt to be a full-time graduate student and a full-time employee. Working out a class schedule to fit this was no easy feat, but my professors and some members of administration were incredibly helpful to me and we were able to get it worked out. I'm really excited about what the year holds, but also quite stressed - already! 

Registration for classes ended Friday and I was still scrambling to figure out how this was all going to work then. I started looking at my work schedule with one of our three biggest projects of the year coming up in October, the events I'll be responsible for helping plan on campus for our women's ministry program, my full-time class schedule, 40 hour work week, Baptist Collegiate Ministry events with Josh (husband, for any new friends reading this), and involvement with a local ministry in the city, not to mention being a wife and caring for my home and husband and one phrase popped out of my mouth.........

Oy with the poodles already!!

Yes. That is literally what I said when overcome with anxious stress. :) I didn't make this phrase up. It came from the recesses of my memory banks from a habit of watching Gilmore Girls:

(and I was quite thankful for it at the time, because in the midst of my stress, realizing this was my reaction made me giggle)

It's a good phrase if you ask me.

Anyway, that phrase seems to sum up basically how I feel about the upcoming season of life. I'm excited to see how this semester unfolds and looking forward to the opportunities ahead even if I do just want hide under my covers some days.  I believe God will do some stretching and growing in me over the next few weeks. I'm sure it will be uncomfortable at times, but I'm also sure it will be worth it in the end.

So, in keeping with the "Learning to Dance" theme of this blog (you can find more about that here), it appears for this semester, I will be learning to dance something like this:

Nothing like a good library jam session :) Now who's coming with me?

What if all I had to offer my marriage was.....me?

I'm sure the title of this post has you wondering what on earth I'm talking about :)
Don't worry, I'm not suggesting polygamy or anything like that!
Rather, this is about something the Lord has been teaching me recently that has me SO excited about HIS work in my marriage, and so humbled about my contributions to my marriage.

This past Sunday, our Associate Pastor, Ronald, preached on Psalm 51. Our Associate Pastor is also our music minister, and since the Psalms are written as songs, it was really cool to hear this sermon from his perspective. He really helped dig into the background of the Psalm and the way it would've been used in the days of the Bible.
If you're not familiar with Psalm 51, you can read it here. (For the sake of space, I won't post all of the scripture here, but will provide links to each part of scripture I address if you would like to read it).

As you can probably tell from reading the Psalm, the author is confessing some grievous sin and begging God for His mercy. That author is King David (the same one who took down Goliath - you can find that story here). Ronald pointed out that though we have this heroic account of David and Goliath, we also have a very disturbing account of David later on in which he sees a woman bathing on a roof, takes her (though she is married to another man- Uriah the Hittite, who was an officer of David's army), sleeps with her, and she becomes pregnant. David tries to cover his tracks and ultimately has the woman's husband murdered. (Find the full story here.)
So, in Psalm 51, we have David's prayer and plea to God for mercy. Ronald did a great job of unpacking each verse and really digging into the depths of the Psalm. I wish I could give you a repeat of the whole sermon, but I don't have the space for that :)
For this post, I want to focus on what God really spoke to me about through this sermon. Ronald explored the guilt and the crushing burden David is feeling in this Psalm and the way he pleads with God to be merciful to him. David acknowledges that he has sinned, but there's something peculiar in the way he acknowledges it. Verses 3 & 4 say:

For I know my transgressions,

and my sin is ever before me.

 Against you, you only, have I sinned

and done what is evil in your sight,

so that you may be justified in your words

and blameless in your judgment.

What does David mean when he says, "Against you and you only, have I sinned?" He certainly sinned against Bathsheba (the woman bathing), Uriah (her husband), the many people he lied to in this ordeal, and the soldiers he endangered and had killed in order to cover his tracks. 

Ronald helped unpack this confusing notion by explaining that David's intention here was not to dismiss the damage he had done or the hurt he had caused by his sin. Rather, David realizes that as big and painful, damaging and offensive as his sin was to the people involved, it was EVEN MORE offensive to God. 

Why?

Because God is the one who set the laws in place that would've kept David from lust, murder, idolatry, lying etc. God established that order, and David chose to ignore that. David was basically saying, "I don't CARE what you say, God. I'm doing what I want, because I want to." David rejected God for what he wanted. Ultimately, this is what every sin does, and as Ronald pointed out, this is why every sin ultimately puts us in a place of judgement before God. 

THIS is why Jesus Christ is our necessary Savior. When we sin, WE OFFEND GOD.  That's a big deal. Offending God. The God of the universe. The God who is responsible for your life. And because God is just, He HAS to deal with that sin. He can't just "let it go." What would you think if a judge knew someone had committed a horrific crime, but decided to just let that person go free without punishment. Would you consider that judge to be good? Of course not! Justice has to be served in order for the judge to be good. God is a good judge, which is why He must punish sin. The punishment for sin, though, is death and eternal separation from God (which is what Hell is). So, in order that we might be free to live in communion with God, He sent His son, Jesus to live and die as the perfect sacrifice for us. Jesus, on the cross, took the punishment for our sin - allowing us to live forgiven and free, loved and under mercy rather than under wrath from God if we will confess Jesus as our Lord and Savior and follow Him. (This does not, of course, give us a license to just do whatever we want. Having Jesus as Savior means having Him is Lord. Having Him as Lord means our lives are devoted to Him - enjoying Him means we no longer enjoy sin for the sake of sin.)

Soooo what does all of this have to do with my marriage as the title suggested this post would be about? Well, as Ronald was teaching on this passage, God began to show me a startling reality. If it weren't for Jesus, then Psalm 51 would be a VERY hopeless passage - every confession, every plea for mercy would be left unanswered. My sin would not be washed from me. I would not be clean. I would be stuck in the filth I brought on myself from my sin - and my marriage would be stuck with the sin I bring into it.

What if I didn't have God working in me and through me, washing me, cleansing me. What if every selfish thought, every time I dishonored or disrespected my husband was just left to sit in my marriage. What if every offense went un-forgiven?

I got kind of a mental picture in my head as I imagined this. Imagine marriage as a tea bag being steeped in the lives of two people. (So, the lives of the two people are the water to steep the tea bag in). What if every time Josh or I sinned, the water got dirtier. What if there was no way for the water to be clean again? What if every sin I brought into my marriage STAYED there? What if my marriage was constantly being steeped in dirtier and dirtier water?

What if Josh and I didn't forgive each other? What if we didn't show grace? What if we didn't serve each other? What if we didn't even really know how to love each other?

Sure, we might keep up good attitudes and good times together for awhile, but what about when things got hard and we just didn't have the energy or the will to do that anymore....what if our only hope for a healthy marriage was us?
Any of you that are newly married have certainly had at least one couple that's been married for several years roll their eyes at you and your new spouse when you're especially loving towards each other and say, "ha...just give it few years...you won't be so lovey dovey then..."

First of all, if you're one of these couples that says things like that to newlyweds, do everyone a favor and HUSH. Regardless of what you think, that's not helping anyone. So, just....be quiet.

Secondly, I know SEVERAL married couples that have been married for decades that are still over the moon for each other. There's a pattern to these couples - they love Jesus more than each other. They've learned how to love each other by getting to know the One who gave love its name. They've learned to serve by getting to know the One who became the lowliest servant.

*Now, I am WELL aware that sometimes life throws circumstances that can just break people apart and break families apart. My motive here is not to point fingers or judge anyone. My own family (immediate and extended) has seen its fair share of divorce and tough times. Please don't think I am pointing fingers and don't feel the need to explain yourself to me :) I'm imperfect. very. I have no room to judge.
I'm also not looking to point to divorce and call it an unforgiveable sin either. It is a sin, but God's grace is still bigger and his forgiveness still stronger.
I am, however, submitting that there is a better way to do marriage than America has been doing lately. I don't think any of us would argue with that point with divorce rates among Americans at over 50%.

I know me. I know my selfish tendencies, my insecurities, my sinful nature. I know I would wreak havoc if the only thing I had to offer my husband was me...
But the good news is that I have so much more to offer. I have Jesus Christ living in and through me - teaching me to love, convicting me of sin, showing me grace.
There have been several times since Josh and I first started dating that I would get frustrated or annoyed and want to act on those feelings. There have been times I felt like just staying mad or accusing Josh of wrongdoing. But suddenly, this conviction would come that maybe, just maybe, I was at fault too? or maybe I just needed to forgive and show grace in that moment.
That's the Holy Spirit - that's not me choosing to be a "good person." I know this, because if left to myself, I'm gonna choose me and selfishness every time. Straight up, real talk.
But I've got a God who loves me, chose me, died for me, and taught me what true love looks like that is in my heart and head constantly - instructing me how to love and strengthening me with His love when I'm weak.

The only way to truly love someone is to know what true love is. God spelled that out for us in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends

I don't know about you - but I know that left to myself, more times than not, I'm not going to practice this type of love. I'm much more prone to be irritable and arrogant, resentful and rude. Thankfully, though, the God that inspired these words sent His spirit to live and work within me. It is because of Him that I can offer real love to Josh. It is because of Him that I can choose to serve Josh and make his needs a priority over mine. It's because of Him that my marriage even has a chance.
And all of this is because Jesus came and took the punishment for my sin - that I might be clean, that I might have "new mercies every morning." (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Without Jesus, my marriage is just two sinful people with selfish natures trying to live together forever. I just don't see that working for very long....Sure there are a few exceptions out there, but with a divorce rate of over 50% I think the majority speaks for itself...
It's very humbling to realize that if it were just left up to me, I'd probably ruin my marriage..
With Jesus, though, there's hope. There's victory. There's love that never ends.

and that's something worth dancing about :)