I hope you have all had the most wonderful Christmas holiday experiences! I know in my last post I said to meet me here "tomorrow" - and "tomorrow" was over a week ago, but things got a little busy around here. Of course there's the Christmas festivities, but my dad also had neck surgery last Thursday, so I've become a full-time nurse, homemaker, and care-taker. WHEW!
In my last post, I invited you to join me on the journey of learning to dance in the freedom and joy and grace offered to us through a relationship with God through Jesus. I also asked the question "is anyone else tired of being tired?" Little did I know that this week God was going to illuminate one of the sources of my tired-ness:
This past week I became so stressed out with the various responsibilties that came with the Christmas season and with taking care of my dad. Add those onto my constant quest to make everything happy and comfortable for everybody in my family at all times and you come out with one tired female.
My soul knew what was up and tried to tell me that I needed to get away and glean from Jesus for strength and power, but I didn't listen. Consequently, my soul felt heavier, grew tired, and joy became surface. Thankfully, God decided to draw me to Him and open my eyes to my need and desire for Him, and pulled me up a chair to sit with Him for awhile.
At first, I came to him with several questions that I had been debating over the break about some opportunities to lead small-groups during Disciple Now weekends that are coming up. He, in return, pulled out a question about another issue that I thought was un-related. (He does this a lot to me - and I used to wonder why He always wanted to talk about something other than my problem. It took me awhile to figure out that when He does that, He IS talking about my problem - the root of it.)
You see, there's a reason He is called the Great Counselor. I've attended several counseling sessions in my life and found that what makes a great counselor is one who can see past the surface level of the problem you're presenting and can ask the right questions to guide you to see and address the real problem. The root that is causing the problem you thought was the real issue.
So, when I brought my question about leading a group of girls in a study on persecution to followers of Christ, He brought up my confusing and conflicting feelings on His words in the New Testament about caring for one's family vs. abandoning everything to follow Him.
1 Timothy 5:8
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
Luke 14:26
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple."
My response to these verses was very eloquent and wise:
"ummmm.....huh???"
As I sat and wondered about these verses, I remembered a tweet by John Piper containing a reference to this very dilemma. So, I decided to see what he had to say about it and after reading several articles and posts about this topic, I found one that summed it up nicely and to the point at Missions Untold .
As I read this post and the comment by Steph Bell underneath it, God pinpointed a very crucial issue in my faith.
Part of Steph's comment read:
"That was the first time I realized I had been emotionally, and mentally, and I'm sure 'spiritually' carrying more than I should have been. It was not my fault that the world was coming down on my family while I was gone...and it's not my responisbility to be the savior."
That comment pierced deep, as God revealed to me that a source of fear and insecurity with the thought of facing persecution is the notion that either I or a loved one could die because of it. I realized how tightly I hold onto my loved ones for fear of losing them, and while I know that if I did die, I would be gloriously whole in heaven, it still scared me to my core to think of leaving my family and loved ones behind.
You see, I often place undue pressure on myself and try to be the one to take care of too much in my family - I try to make sure they are happy, protect them from physical or emotional danger, prevent awkwardness or tension, present Jesus to them and try to urge spiritual growth, make sure they feel appreciated, loved, and included in all things at all time (and I do all of this with divorced parents -which makes it twice as tricky) - and I absolutely get SO stressed with trying to make everyone in my family's life happy and wonderful and spiritually fulfilling. I try to be God. I try to be my family's Savior.
NO WONDER I'M TIRED.
Don't get me wrong, we are called to care and love and share Jesus with family - but are never called to SAVE our family - because we simply are not able. We are also not able to heal family from the hurts and pains of sin or loss - that is a God-sized job. If I could save my family, heal them, provide for them, protect them, smooth away all concerns and issues, there would be no need for Jesus.
As God revealed this to me, He showed me through His word that He can indeed be trusted to be GOD of my family and their Savior, provider, and healer ... and that I cannot do that no matter how hard I try. I would have expected this to be a frustrating lesson to learn - to find that there was absolutely nothing I could do to change situations, and that God really was the only one who had any control here. But you know what I found? ..... relief.
I found relief that my small human frame was not able and, therefore, not expected to be GOD. It sounds so simple, right? But how many of us are pulling our hair out trying to do that very thing?
How many of us are TIRED from trying to do God's job?
A book by Joan C. Webb that is absolutely one of the best books I've ever read has some great insights on this:
My sit-down with Jesus tonight ended with this simple prayer that I journaled:
"Thank you for your faithfulness (despite my faithlessness). I'm sorry for clinging to things - to people. My hands are tired from holding on so tightly. My soul is even more tired.
I want to trust that you are God and will be God over all situations. I can glimpse the freedom that would be found in that. I already feel lighter. I already see how this can allow me to dance :) <---yes I did put actually put a smiley face in my prayer to God lol. I choose to believe He finds it adorable :) .
Jesus, please keep teaching me this. Playing God is no longer my preferred role."
So, sweet friends, I pray that you will find the relief in letting God be God - in believing that He is who He says He is, and that He can do what He says He can do.
^I got that last little saying from Beth Moore and her book "Believing God".
I have not fully learned this lesson, but I'm focused on it tonight. I'm praying to be focused on it tomorrow as well - and the next day - and the next..until it becomes a regular focus in my everyday life.
I'm learning to let God be God ... and in the process.... I'm learning to dance :)
