I don't know if you ever feel "ready" to enter into parenthood, but I feel much more equipped than when I started this process. :) I can't wait to meet Andrew. I have a feeling it's going to blow my mind.
Those are the type of lessons I was expecting and things I knew I needed to learn, but I've been surprised at all the things I've learned that I never saw coming or at least never expected to be so big. These unexpected lessons have been my favorite, though, as they often end up being such a blessing to learn. Over the next few days, I plan to share some of these lessons with you and hope they bless you as well!
Lesson 1) It matters who you marry.
This is mainly to all my single sisters, but also a call-out to all my brothers. We all know it matters who we marry. In theory, we all know that waiting for a good spouse is worth it. However, our society has taught you that you are incomplete and your life is empty until you have a marriage. A) THIS IS NOT TRUE. I could write 17 blog posts on the fallacy of this thought, but I'll save that for another time. :) For now, hear me tell you that your life is just as whole, just as full of opportunity, and just as capable of fulfilled joy as any married person's life. B) Even if it were true, this so-called "empty" life would be far better than a life bound to a less-than-stellar mate (because marriage is for life).
Good men are not a fairy tale. They are not a thing of the past. They are not all taken. They are out there and they are worth waiting for. Sister friend, please don't settle. Please don't.
Why? Because a happy and loving marriage is just the sweetest daily gift. I promise it's worth waiting for. I believe I have married the best man in the world and I am daily blown away by the gift of grace and sweetness God has given me through this man.
So, I wasn't surprised to find my appreciation for this daily gift shifting and growing in pregnancy, I was just surprised at the depth of which my understanding of the grace and beauty of God's gift of marriage has grown during pregnancy. It's a whole new level.
Why?
Well, for starters, when you're pregnant, you have..ahem..moments. :) Your hormones and entire body are shifting at a ridiculous pace. You live for two people while having to maintain the demands that were probably already too much for your own personal life...and you might break down a couple
This is not the time to have a disengaged husband. You need his arms, you need his ears. You don't need to be told to get over it. You need a man who's not afraid of your tears or your outbursts of frustration. *Not saying he can't have his own moments - he's human too, after all - but in general, a man who's not afraid or turned off by your moments.* You need a man that knows you, that knows how to talk to you in moments of breakdown, that knows how to help you laugh about it later (but not too soon!). You need a man that knows you.
You need a man who sends you to the chiropractor even when you think it would be easier to cancel the appointment. You need a man who wants to be at every doctor's visit, so he'll FaceTime in when he his work won't allow it. You need a man who talks to your belly, cares about the safety of the crib you're buying, and volunteers to clean the bathroom so you won't smell the fumes. You need a man who goes to birthing class with you and gives up carbs with you. You need a man who tells you how beautiful you are when your face and feet are swollen. You need a man who "can't even see" those stretch marks you're pointing out. ;) You need a man who is totally, completely bought into the process. You need a teammate.
This doesn't come from your ability to be beautiful and agreeable all the time. None of us are capable of that. We're all broken. It comes from marrying a man committed to loving you and choosing your good for your whole life. THAT is a different caliber man. Wait for that. He is worth waiting for, and sister, so are YOU.
*Side note here: I am, by no means, implying your man is utterly responsible for taking complete care of you during pregnancy or regular life. :) You're still a person. You're still responsible for you. The gift of a good mate is meant to be empowering - a partnership - not a caretaker. No man can be your Savior. No man can be your everything. To want that is unhealthy and will certainly result in massive disappointment, because *spoiler alert* the men I'm talking about are ALL human. ;) And you are just as responsible for loving him and walking with him as he is with you. So, no, he can't be everything, but he can be a delightful companion, walking hand in hand through life's transitions. A tuned-in, caring, invested spouse is the most powerful partnership I've encountered thus far - and I suspect that type of partnership only gets sweeter the more you walk together through life's adventures.
Another reason pregnancy has heightened my awareness that it matters who you marry. This is a biggie.
That man is about to be the daddy of your child.
That little precious, helpless, totally dependent human you've been carrying is about to enter the world - and he/she needs a daddy. She needs daddy's arms to cuddle her, to make her feel safe. He needs daddy's legs to chase him, his body to wrestle with him. He needs daddy's hands to clap for him, to tell him how proud daddy is of him. She needs daddy's words to tell her how precious and beautiful she is. She/he needs daddy's stability to give them the room to explore their new world. She/he needs mommy, but make no mistake, she/he needs a daddy. The man you marry or the man you have a baby with, that's his role. He's daddy.
There are not words enough to explain how grateful I am to be married to a man who I trust completely and find such delight in the thought that he will raise our son. If our Andrew turns out to be half the man his daddy is, I will dance with joy. I trust his character. I trust his prayers. I trust his attitude. I trust his willingness to give everything he has to the role of father just as he has done to his role of husband. I trust our family with my husband. Pregnancy is terrifying as I imagine taking on such a huge and wonderful role of parent. It's a whole lot easier and so much sweeter to know I've got a partner for life that I trust absolutely in the job. I can't imagine how terrifying it would be if I didn't.
It matters who you marry.
And listen carefully when I say this, friends. This post feels complicated to write - not because I don't mean every single word - but because I KNOW that none of this is anything I deserve. None of this is anything my husband deserves. We did our best to follow and honor God with our relationship, but we are nowhere near perfect. We are just as human and flawed as anyone else. Every day with this man is a reminder of God's grace. It feels more than undeserved. It feels downright scandalous that God has blessed me SO much when I have failed Him SO much. But that's the beautiful, ridiculous trade-off offered to us at the cross. Jesus paid the price, so God could pour the blessing on people who had no hope of attaining it on their own. Josh and I have something special, but we are not the cause of the special. This ridiculous gift of grace is the cause, and if these two sinners can have it, so can you.
Because it matters who you marry...not just to you, but to this God of such extravagant grace. It matters to Him. You matter to Him.
